I have been thinking of absurdity lately. You know: that occurrence which by all normal reasoning just should not be happening. Lacking an online dictionary on this iPhone I was left with Wikipedia to help me determine if my definition of "absurd" was okay. It was. In fact, it turns out there is a whole branch of philosophy called absurdism which basically says the universe cannot be explained in rational terms (which seems absurd to me because I thought rational thought had at its basis the explanation of phenomena of the universe... but I am talking in circles here). It also turns out that absurd's counterpart, a number called a surd is a type of expression that can be stated in terms of a root (think of the square root of five), while absurd in the mathematical sense means that a number is logically impossible.
Pretty good, no?
Anyway, what I was thinking about absurdity was something along the lines of how there are two kinds of people (which is always a dangerous way to think, I know.... the ultimate dumbing down.... which is exactly what I need when I dwell in imponderables). The first type rages against absurdity and the UNFAIRNESS of it, while the second barely acknowledges absurdity's existence. There can be, in fact no other way to approach that, which by all logical measures, should not exist.
Typing things out in this laborious manner actually IS good for thought. When I first started interacting with others online, which was first done in chat rooms, then icq (when I had acquired a few specific friends), I used to marvel at the difference between conversing with talking versus typing. Typing, I think, is so much more CIVILIZED.... is it any wonder, really, that we treated each other differently, more respectfully, when a lot of our dealings were done in LETTERS rather than phone calls to each other?
What I first noticed about chat is that you actually got to SEE what you were going to say before you said it, before you hit the "send" button. (Later versions of chat, like icq, would put the conversations up as you typed them, but the first ones, like writing an email, would require that you put down your thought as a sentence or phrase before shipping it off to your friend.) How great would that be in normal conversation? That you get to review what you are about to say before you actually said it! That you got ONE LAST CHANCE to revise, to correct typos, to add clarifying statements, or delete altogether and start all over. And that the other person was similarly engaged in that measured, thoughtful conversation.
It is so. But there is another, more subtle, thing going on too. In face to face conversation, the talker is always searching for clues in the listener's response to what is being said, and the skillful talker will make adjustments to his message EVEN AS HE SPEAKS. Not so with the chat. In chat, you got one shot per statement; better make sure it is what you want to say and how you want to say it. And even though you become fairly adept at being clear, you never really know how your statement is received, LOL and ROFLand : ) and ((hugs)) notwithstanding.
And here is the funniest (and most complex) part: because I cannot see myself, a good conversation (and by good, I mean good for ME) allows me to IMAGINE myself as I wish to be: handsome, tall, interesting, rich, you name it. In face-to-face-talking conversations, it is through the listener's reactions as one speaks that such images of self-worth are formed. Online conversations, with their measured pace and their insulation from moment to moment facial reaction, really cut the odds in your favor. But perhaps the MOST important attribute of conversations, and thence RELATIONSHIPS, which happen online is this: it is the ABSENCE of all those attributes (appearance, smile, wardrobe, fitness, height, jewelry, wristwatch, nervous tics, food crumbs on the mouth, breast size, hair style, shoulders, butt, shoes, belt, teeth, eyeglasses, makeup, lip gloss, scent, odor, hand gesture, voice, breathing, fingernails, leg shape, visibility of underwear, complexion, wrinkles, twinkles, guffaw, wheezing, snuffling, finger tapping, vacant stare, facial hair, pants fit, stomach size, cell phone type, necktie color, jowls, gait, bounce, scowl...... all that) which reduces the conversation to its essence: WORDS. It is the absence of all those attributes as DISTRACTION, but also the conveyors of INFORMATION, the cues we need from strangers to tell us if this conversation is really SAFE. And so the Words are not only center-stage, the focus of all that is You, but they must also convey all that information which is normally transmitted by sight.
Suddenly (perhaps for the first time in your life) your Words are more important, in fact, than You. No. Your Words ARE You.
Which brings me back to typing this all out, letter by tedious letter (on the ridiculously undersized iPhone keyboard) that which is my Prayer.... tap tap tap.... tap.... tap........... tap. Like the Jesus Prayer in Salinger's Franny, like the buddhist chant namu Amida butsu, a mantra.
But the discussion was Absurdity, right? And here is what I have been thinking: In your quest to rid your world of this Absurdity, this illness, please know that I exist in a parallel world on a writing quest to define an equally absurd world on the other side of Zero with the hope that one Absurd Action can cancel out the reality of another absurdity.
End of Part 5
(to be, perhaps, continued....)
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